handmade love

My favorite thing about Christmas is unpacking the memories that come with all the handmade treasures. I have many because my great grandma's were crafty and added to my collection each year. In grade school, my children were lucky to have artsy teachers and they came home with some masterpieces. Now as adults, they still see their ornaments hanging on our tree. Nothing I could purchase can compare to the beauty and love I feel for all of my handmade goodies

"WaSup Mark?"

A few people have asked about Mark, so I thought I'd give you an update. His unfortunate car accident happened on December 19th 2006, I chronicled the events, an experience we will never forget. I can't believe it happened only 2 years ago. Looking at him today, no one would know he had been in such danger. It is only when you spend time with him that you begin to understand the accidents full effects.

Mark lives on Imodium, lots and lots of Imodium. Very slowly his intestines have been making adjustments, but they will never quite operate normally. His right foot is still without a tendon and needs constant therapy. He has a very large scar that runs down his front and around to his back, a harsh reminder of the serious damage...but I have to say, that the biggest change in Mark was the vision he had of himself.

Yes, near death experiences will do that to you and he rose from that bed a changed man. Mark knows that God saved his life and that there is a specific reason for it. He aggressively wants to help people. He is going to college to become a Respiratory Therapist and often finds that he is the one doing the teaching. His professors often ask him to conduct the labs, or have him organize and then teach the class experiments. He is so meticulous and has found his place in the medical field. All of those medical terms that fly right over our heads...well, Mark now eats them for breakfast and finds the human body, his body, is the most amazing complex miraculous thing. He beams BEAMS when he talks about it. He remembers everything and wants so badly to make a positive difference in the lives of others.

I could go on and on...be the gushing mom that I am, but the most important lesson that we all learned, is that there is a cherishable community in this big world of ours. Especially, in a time of need.

a labor of love

Every year I hand make my Christmas cards, it has been such a long tradition of mine that I don't know when it started. I also make them for my husbands employees, so all in all it amounts to about 80 in total. This is just a peek, I don't want to spoil the surprise for my loved ones. I will post an entire one later. I guess you too will have to wait :) It is both a pleasure and a pain to design these cards and make each one. Christmas just wouldn't be the same without them, sort of like special recipes and presents. Such anticipation...

So you are not
bored with seeing
just one corner
of a Christmas card...
here is a picture
of a monster
slaying a dragon ;)

the President's dog

Rumor has it that President Elect Obama and his family have decided to get a Golden Doodle for the family dog. It just so happens that my mom and dad have one of their own, Callie Lu. Half golden retriever and the other half poodle gives you a shed proof allergy free canine. She is very friendly and great with kids.

Baby Boho Cedar was an interesting test, as we haven't had babies around for a long time. Callie needed to sniff him out and she was very gentle about it. From that point on, she became Cedar's protector and was acutely aware of every sound and movement he made. His crying was obviously distressing to Callie and she constantly needed to check the baby when he was near.

It amazes me that dogs know when a human being is helpless and fragile. Instinct kicks in and they make themselves responsible as a guardian. We all love Callie Lu and it warmed our hearts to see her accept and love our newest family member.

I love you Cedar and I too will protect you and be your guardian...auntie d

love at first sight

there was a bounty of love to take in for such a little baby boy
I couldn't stop smiling at this little miracle
he is seriously cute and has a wise spirit about him
every day he looked a little different
completely irresistible
comfortable with everyone...especially grandma
and this is classic Cedar sleeping position

***After spending such precious time with everyone, I learned a very deep and spiritual lesson about adoption and the entire process. Because Denise is my baby sister, I felt protective of her and wanted a positive experience. Being ignorant about adoption, I felt concerned with the bonding process and kept a keen eye on any undercurrents. Then we all experienced an extremely poignant moment together, it went kind of like this...

At around 10pm the tired couple handed the baby over to us for some quality sleeping time. Cedar was wide awake and alert to his surroundings. He did the usual newborn routine, burped, pooped and let us know when he was hungry. About an hour later he began to fuss and that quickly turned into obvious unhappiness. My mom and I passed him back and forth, both of us using our own tried and true methods of motherhood, on how to stop a baby from crying. To no avail, Cedar continued to cry and dug in his heels...he was stubbornly angry now and this adorable little boy began to Wail! Bright red faced screaming, with stiffened arms and legs! Completely frustrated I said,
"Mom, I think he wants his mommy!"
and she reluctantly, but swiftly, woke the couple. Boho boy entered the room first. Obviously half asleep, he gently took the screaming child and tried to calm him. Denise then entered the room and she too was dishevelled and deeply exhausted.
Denise reached out to Cedar and said,
"Come here... it's okay"
...and an instant hush filled the room. As soon as Cedar heard his Momma's voice and felt her soft familiar shoulder, he silenced with peace. We all stood there with our mouths dropped open.

In any other situation, this may not have been quite so special a moment, but there was no longer any question that all Cedar wanted was his Momma and Denise was that person. She also felt the awe of the moment and tears misted over her eyes. My baby sister, this woman rocking that bundle back and forth, with a timeless instinct, was every bit a Momma and I will never see her more deserving, as I did in that moment.

first kiss

I get to meet this little man tomorrow
I get to see my sister and my boho brother as parents
I get to pick him up, stare into his beautiful face
and say, "welcome lil cedar"
then I will hold him very close to my heart
and give him a small gentle first kiss
from me
and then many more will follow that one

Thankfulness

Could anyone be more thankful than this?
This picture is worth a thousand words...

Mommy Magic

I am the proud Auntie of this bundle boy
Cedar Kroon
8lbs 7oz !
he came into the world
with angels on his shoulders
could life be any more beautiful
than this moment?
God is good...all the time :)

This beautiful girl, my beloved baby sister Denise, is currently on a plane and will return forever changed. As a family, we will be blessed with a new family member and I will have the pleasure of not only becoming an Auntie again, but watching Den embrace Motherhood. I have no words to describe how excited we all are for her, boho boy and this adoption process.

this is better than a new puppy
an exotic vacation
becoming a millionaire
or worldwide fame

this is priceless
life's loving lessons
beautiful moments
unforgettable memories

a rewriting of your life
bonds that cannot be broken
spontaneous surprises
laughter and tears

this is the creation of a new family
that I am blessed to bare witness to
partake in and observe
the miracle of parenthood

unexpected

When I first started blogging, I remember thinking that there would be endless pictures for me to take and that there would be so many topics to choose from, that I would be dizzy with choosing. 2 years later...I find myself struggling with my own boring writers voice and I feel stuck.

Is this what writers block feels like?
Even my journals are blank.
My prayers have been filled with a quiet meditation
and the words have been few and to the point.
This is so unlike me
and so very...unexpected.

So, I feel that I need to ask for your forgiveness, as the tears dry upon my cheeks. And I need to ask the same to my creative voice...I have silenced her for way too long. I realized that waiting for inspiration can often lead to dead ends and it's okay to turn around and back track my own steps until I find a side road or two. Or, maybe I need to retell some of the stories that have shaped my life and made me who I am. Regardless, the most important and least expected information I can give you today...is me

I am Darlene.

Happy Harvest

Autumn

harvest

warm

colors

traditions

family

decorations

food

sharing

love

life

speaking sea

you cling to earth
uniting all with your touch
roaring peace not war

the traditional Monterey momma/daughter trip

Momma & Daughter

A hole in the wall boutique
Pampering galore
Darling resting and eatting choices Don't forget the coffee...or bottled water!
Some of the greatest unique things for the home
Always time for a cold brew
Have your palm read?
And yet another darling place to spend our money

These were some of the creative signs along the way, I found them fascinating! A true testament to the owners inside. I encourage you to go to Monterey California if it fits into your budget. Clam Chowder in a bread bowl is a must, (however us gluten free girls have to settle for steamed clams) And this, of course, must be eaten on The Wharf. This year we had a fabulous spa day and definitely did more shopping than usual. Another year gone by, more matching rings for our fingers and precious memories made together :)

the gift

give me a gift of black and white
be honest
speak with kindness
let me help
just say no
keep things simple
believe in me
don't give up
read the directions first
let me sleep
eat breakfast
lunch and dinner
be patient
read the ingredients first
drive the speed limit
keep a budget
say thank you
and please
try to remember

give me a gift in full color
laugh out loud
plan a surprise
stay up late
plant flowers
use all the crayons
decorate the envelopes
start new traditions
compliment strangers
give money and time
keep dreaming
sing and dance
eat chocolate
open the sun roof
go a different way
take pictures
see a play
keep smiling

These lists are incomplete, but I 'm sure that you could add a thing or two. If you can believe it, I am still organizing my art room, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now ready to unload the boxes that I had to fill in order to begin. And I'm feeling less pain when something has to go and using more wisdom about what is to stay.

The state of this room has definitely been a mirror of how I feel inside. Seeing the order, balance and organization has been so rewarding and healthy. I think I'm going to make it after all :)

Local Boy Beats the Odds

This boy is doing so well, I beam when he is around. Full time school, 30 hour work week and seriously excited about being in the medical field. Now he is leaning towards nursing, rather than respiratory therapy. His face lights up when you ask him about school and he never complains about the physical setbacks that interfere with his life. I just came across a few cards that were sent to me during his hospital stay and re cried some thankful tears. Many of us make lemonade with our lemons, but somehow Mark has made fine wine with his :)
I never did mention my mini crush on this awesome young man and his adorable mother. I think I held my breath for every race and cried like a proud mom. He reminded me of Mark, who is also getting gold...stars that is!

lupus in the artists room

After the boxes were filled...
After dismantling the old desk and bringing in the new smaller one...
After everything had been quickly grabbed and placed into the right category...

...that's when the damn broke.

I sat at the shiny, brand new, unused desk and burst into a heap of tears.

What was I crying for?
Why did this feel so painful?
Where were my emotions going with all of this?

then I remembered the voices.

Every time I picked something up, it spoke to me, "I am important because...I am a good memory from some place and time...I represent a new change...blah blah blah." Each thing in this room held a tangible reason for being there. Every project I started and everything that went along with it was my attempt at keeping myself busy. My effort from going crazy about being chronically sick. My escape from the reality of the physical pain that was constantly nagging at my brain. "Hey, I'm here and I'm really powerful, so stop ignoring me!" The things in this room...my stuff, held my attention long enough so that the bully would stop yelling at me and now it was all in these boxes waiting to be put in their new rightful places.

It was all very overwhelming, so I cried these big long tears that came from...God knows where?

Therapy...this room was my place of therapy and I let it get out of hand, way out of control. I mean, the kind of mess where you have to make paths here and there to get to anything and only you know where everything is. I stopped being able to clean up after myself. I became so sick that I could just about get some project, into my lap and then didn't have the energy, or the strength to put it all away......and that's how it all starts. And before you know it, everyone in the house keeps that door closed because it looks like a hurricane hit it. It looks like the person who owns that room is sick & crazy...

...and that is just how I felt inside.

So now, the painstaking part is over and my "things" are waiting for me to put them in the most useful places. Oh, I'm still crying...the pain is still being felt...but the room already feels lighter, the stuff around me sounds different...

...as if their cries of recognition have turned from desperation...to gratitude.

where I would like to be

This is where I would like to be...right there, on that very spot. I would even like to be with that girl in the picture...she is special and makes me so happy...but I'm not there, I am here and she is living out her life splendidly, fabulously and I will see her in due time.

Instead...I have been home, not feeling well with this August heat and have been alone. It is very quiet here and I have been left a little too long, but I heard something peaceful that made me appreciate this moment in my life...

"It is wise to be content when you are alone...the silence is peaceful and a gift...of the calm that follows each storm."

I embraced that quote and embraced being alone, silent.

There are no storms swirling around me, everyone I love is where they should be, doing what is right for them.

This is good and peaceful...and I am content.

I am grateful for

beautiful greetings as I am nearing your door








reminders that no matter what, we are all still adored



***medical update ~ I had the sonogram and wasn't given much information, just an appointment card for consult with a surgeon. I remain very positive at heart and can feel myself warding away any fear.

I feel strong :)

beauty from onions

yes...I did say onions
this is what happens
when you let your chives bloom

I guess one could say that
given a reasonable amount of time
even a little stinker
can end up looking pretty

who knew?

~ a simple reminder ~

too many days with flying time
who's in charge of that machine?
and can I have an appointment with him?

everything that was new seems old again
perhaps I need to see with fresh eyes
or these new shades aren't doing their job very well

the adventures have been few
but I feel close to a discovery
I just need a backpack filled with muse

and the courage to seize the day :)

Because nice matters...

I loved these 3 words put together. Simply stated, but oh so true. Nice does matter and so does kindness and sacrifice. This week I am going to create an environment for niceness, not just regular niceties, something really nice and I'll share it with you...maybe we can start something here...

because nice matters :)

I'm ok ~ You're ok

After looking at the results from the last few days of testing, I am amazed that I even detected anything in the first place...it was so incredibly small and will be an easy fix. Besides having faithful once a year mammograms, I check myself often and it's routine to me. That is why I noticed even the slightest change. I want to encourage you to do the same, it just may save your life, or make things simple to deal with and we could all use some simplicity, right? (I will have a sonogram on the 20th to determine the next step, again...I feel so much peace inside :)

Baxter is fine too. His situation was a reaction to a rabies shot injection site and is temporary swelling...whew! I think it's still a sympathy bump ;)

front room nap

exhaustion takes it's toll

I close my eyes

and clutch the pillow whole

the sun is creeping in

rolled in a ball with

dappled heat upon my skin

the day comes to an end

I'm satisfied and

fought the fight again

sympathy pains

Can your canine buddy have sympathy pains?

Mine does...Baxter has a lump by his arm and will see the vet today at 3:30. I will have a sonagram on the 20th to determine what is going on with me. I feel very peaceful about it and am more concerned for Bax right now.

I can't thank everyone enough for their support and well wishes. Things are looking up from here...Peace is a good feeling :)

calling all stars

Had a visit with my wonderful family doctor yesterday, let's call it a routine physical and we found a lump. So, he scheduled a mammogram for Friday morning. The results will be in next week. I appreciate his efficiency and the fact that I won't have to wait too long to find out just what is going on.

I am smiling and hopeful for a positive outcome and am asking you for some warm fuzzies to keep the blessings flowing. What a wonderful World we live in that I can even ask for this kind of support...ahhh the closeness of our blogging community.

Thanks so much...I can already feel the love :)

what August 3rd means to me...

It is this girl's birthday on Sunday and I can't believe that she is turning 24. She gave me loads of trouble on the day that she arrived. My labour started with a bang and within moments I was prepped for surgery. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and foot and with each contraction we would loose her heartbeat.

Now, I can proudly say that she is my heartbeat, my best friend and the smell that I long for the most. She came into the world as beautiful then as she is today and forever will be.

We will all gather on that day to celebrate her and every accomplishment she has made. Who is she...?

She is Angela...Momma's baby girl...

and the sunshine of my life.