Tuesday, July 20, 2010

migraines and moo shoo pork

Life has been rough for the last week. I'm not a complainer, so actually writing a post about this is difficult for me. The general heat wave that has been hitting the USA this last week has activated my the lupus and I have been feeling all kinds of horrible. A cluster of migraines being the most annoying symptom. I can deal with body pain, I can sit and have a complete conversation with you and you would never know I was in any pain, but migraines are a different breed of pain altogether. Most of the time I can't even form words, let alone a coherent sentence. I have no picture to liven this post, I can't look through the lens and make any sense, it's all a blur to me. Mentally, I have to fight with my body. That is how I learned the skill of faking ignoring pain and pushing past it. But this week I feel like a beaten soldier and...I miss my daughter really bad *tears* (that came out of left field) whoa, i guess i need to cry about that (pause) Lord, I'm a mess!

Okay, so, I don't like moo shoo pork and apparently I don't like any meat these days. When my sister was here she cooked the entire week 'Vegan' style. I didn't miss the meat at all.(hubby did) Ever since then, I can't even think about eating meat without a stomach lurch, I tried...bbq chicken(blah!) turkey burgers(ick!) I tried to swallow the first bite and just couldn't get it down(???)

I'm not sure I would ever call myself a Vegetarian because it sounds rather political to me and I'm not about that. I love animals and I don't mind eating them (sorry) I just can't right now. My body is having a visceral reaction and I'm listening. And I must say that I find it all very interesting...maybe my love for God's creatures are subliminally calling to me and I hear them now? "Moo, Bah, Cluck!" okay okay I won't eat you!

I've got to stop now, I can barely look at this screen anymore, but you get the idea. I could use some prayers. I confess to feeling a little beaten down, weak of spirit, confused and oh so tired of hurting.

thanks so much

10 comments:

Jack K. said...

Ouch! I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Catch the extra positive energy I'm sending your way. Use it in whatever way you can.

Listen to your body. It knows what is best for you.

Take care. Rejoice in the memories you have of your daughter and your sister. That should bring you some additional positive energy. I suspect that hubby is a great source of strength for you too.

Take care.

Vanessa said...

hope you're feeling better soon, honey! keep listening to your body and your instincts, wise girl. hugs xo

Anne-Marie said...

No-one who has never experienced migraine can imagine the utter misery that it is. I get migraine infrequently and not as bad as you, I suspect.

I have just said a little prayer for you, that your pain will be relieved soon.

[I found my way here from your sister's blog - have been reading and enjoying for a while but have not yet commented.]

Wanda said...

Oh my dear Darlene....I feel such pain in my spirit when you hurt like this.

It's so funny, I was behind a car today and the bumper sticker said

"I love animals, don't eat them"

Someone else feels like you do...Jack said it so well, listen to your body, and know that me and Pastor Dad, are saying earnest prayers.

Love and Hugs
Wanda Mom

Kara said...

oh no! i hope you feel better ~ agreed, nothing feels more painful than a migraine! also.. i find what your body is telling you to be very interesting. i am a vegetarian {except i started eating fish 3 months ago} and i have found that the hardest thing for me to give up is cheese... i wish my body would all of the sudden shun dairy! haha! anyway, good luck with your food journey and keep listening to your body! feel better! xo

LegalEagle said...

Dear Darlene,

So sorry to hear you are feeling bad - I will be thinking of you!

Hugs-

Emma

boho girl said...

i am so sad you are feeling this way. i wish i could take it all away in one swoop. but i know i can't but what i can do is tell you i love you deep and i feel you and i am sad when you are sad.

i love you so.
migrains suck!

Jodi said...

Yuck! I know very little about chronic pain, I can only imagine, but I do know migraine pain and it is the WORST! I am impressed you were able to type! Feel better...oh and the vegie in me is hoping you embrace a meat-free life. ;)

mellow mama said...

ugh. i used to really suffer from migraines so i know how bad they can make you feel.
sending some positive vibes your way. here's hoping for a cold spell and a long nap in a dark room!

feel better


p.s. jsut started reading your blog. i noticed you through your sister's blog. you girls are equally gorgeous and awesome :)

Katie said...

I know it sounds silly, and I don't know if you're looking for advice or just ears to hear your pain, but sometimes, if I just lay down and actively try and feel all the love in the world that people are sending me, I feel better (emotionally). So, I'm sending you a huge huge wind of love and hopeing you're feeling it.