the gift

give me a gift of black and white
be honest
speak with kindness
let me help
just say no
keep things simple
believe in me
don't give up
read the directions first
let me sleep
eat breakfast
lunch and dinner
be patient
read the ingredients first
drive the speed limit
keep a budget
say thank you
and please
try to remember

give me a gift in full color
laugh out loud
plan a surprise
stay up late
plant flowers
use all the crayons
decorate the envelopes
start new traditions
compliment strangers
give money and time
keep dreaming
sing and dance
eat chocolate
open the sun roof
go a different way
take pictures
see a play
keep smiling

These lists are incomplete, but I 'm sure that you could add a thing or two. If you can believe it, I am still organizing my art room, but I am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I am now ready to unload the boxes that I had to fill in order to begin. And I'm feeling less pain when something has to go and using more wisdom about what is to stay.

The state of this room has definitely been a mirror of how I feel inside. Seeing the order, balance and organization has been so rewarding and healthy. I think I'm going to make it after all :)

Local Boy Beats the Odds

This boy is doing so well, I beam when he is around. Full time school, 30 hour work week and seriously excited about being in the medical field. Now he is leaning towards nursing, rather than respiratory therapy. His face lights up when you ask him about school and he never complains about the physical setbacks that interfere with his life. I just came across a few cards that were sent to me during his hospital stay and re cried some thankful tears. Many of us make lemonade with our lemons, but somehow Mark has made fine wine with his :)
I never did mention my mini crush on this awesome young man and his adorable mother. I think I held my breath for every race and cried like a proud mom. He reminded me of Mark, who is also getting gold...stars that is!

lupus in the artists room

After the boxes were filled...
After dismantling the old desk and bringing in the new smaller one...
After everything had been quickly grabbed and placed into the right category...

...that's when the damn broke.

I sat at the shiny, brand new, unused desk and burst into a heap of tears.

What was I crying for?
Why did this feel so painful?
Where were my emotions going with all of this?

then I remembered the voices.

Every time I picked something up, it spoke to me, "I am important because...I am a good memory from some place and time...I represent a new change...blah blah blah." Each thing in this room held a tangible reason for being there. Every project I started and everything that went along with it was my attempt at keeping myself busy. My effort from going crazy about being chronically sick. My escape from the reality of the physical pain that was constantly nagging at my brain. "Hey, I'm here and I'm really powerful, so stop ignoring me!" The things in this room...my stuff, held my attention long enough so that the bully would stop yelling at me and now it was all in these boxes waiting to be put in their new rightful places.

It was all very overwhelming, so I cried these big long tears that came from...God knows where?

Therapy...this room was my place of therapy and I let it get out of hand, way out of control. I mean, the kind of mess where you have to make paths here and there to get to anything and only you know where everything is. I stopped being able to clean up after myself. I became so sick that I could just about get some project, into my lap and then didn't have the energy, or the strength to put it all away......and that's how it all starts. And before you know it, everyone in the house keeps that door closed because it looks like a hurricane hit it. It looks like the person who owns that room is sick & crazy...

...and that is just how I felt inside.

So now, the painstaking part is over and my "things" are waiting for me to put them in the most useful places. Oh, I'm still crying...the pain is still being felt...but the room already feels lighter, the stuff around me sounds different...

...as if their cries of recognition have turned from desperation...to gratitude.

where I would like to be

This is where I would like to be...right there, on that very spot. I would even like to be with that girl in the picture...she is special and makes me so happy...but I'm not there, I am here and she is living out her life splendidly, fabulously and I will see her in due time.

Instead...I have been home, not feeling well with this August heat and have been alone. It is very quiet here and I have been left a little too long, but I heard something peaceful that made me appreciate this moment in my life...

"It is wise to be content when you are alone...the silence is peaceful and a gift...of the calm that follows each storm."

I embraced that quote and embraced being alone, silent.

There are no storms swirling around me, everyone I love is where they should be, doing what is right for them.

This is good and peaceful...and I am content.

I am grateful for

beautiful greetings as I am nearing your door








reminders that no matter what, we are all still adored



***medical update ~ I had the sonogram and wasn't given much information, just an appointment card for consult with a surgeon. I remain very positive at heart and can feel myself warding away any fear.

I feel strong :)

beauty from onions

yes...I did say onions
this is what happens
when you let your chives bloom

I guess one could say that
given a reasonable amount of time
even a little stinker
can end up looking pretty

who knew?

~ a simple reminder ~

too many days with flying time
who's in charge of that machine?
and can I have an appointment with him?

everything that was new seems old again
perhaps I need to see with fresh eyes
or these new shades aren't doing their job very well

the adventures have been few
but I feel close to a discovery
I just need a backpack filled with muse

and the courage to seize the day :)

Because nice matters...

I loved these 3 words put together. Simply stated, but oh so true. Nice does matter and so does kindness and sacrifice. This week I am going to create an environment for niceness, not just regular niceties, something really nice and I'll share it with you...maybe we can start something here...

because nice matters :)

I'm ok ~ You're ok

After looking at the results from the last few days of testing, I am amazed that I even detected anything in the first place...it was so incredibly small and will be an easy fix. Besides having faithful once a year mammograms, I check myself often and it's routine to me. That is why I noticed even the slightest change. I want to encourage you to do the same, it just may save your life, or make things simple to deal with and we could all use some simplicity, right? (I will have a sonogram on the 20th to determine the next step, again...I feel so much peace inside :)

Baxter is fine too. His situation was a reaction to a rabies shot injection site and is temporary swelling...whew! I think it's still a sympathy bump ;)

front room nap

exhaustion takes it's toll

I close my eyes

and clutch the pillow whole

the sun is creeping in

rolled in a ball with

dappled heat upon my skin

the day comes to an end

I'm satisfied and

fought the fight again

sympathy pains

Can your canine buddy have sympathy pains?

Mine does...Baxter has a lump by his arm and will see the vet today at 3:30. I will have a sonagram on the 20th to determine what is going on with me. I feel very peaceful about it and am more concerned for Bax right now.

I can't thank everyone enough for their support and well wishes. Things are looking up from here...Peace is a good feeling :)

calling all stars

Had a visit with my wonderful family doctor yesterday, let's call it a routine physical and we found a lump. So, he scheduled a mammogram for Friday morning. The results will be in next week. I appreciate his efficiency and the fact that I won't have to wait too long to find out just what is going on.

I am smiling and hopeful for a positive outcome and am asking you for some warm fuzzies to keep the blessings flowing. What a wonderful World we live in that I can even ask for this kind of support...ahhh the closeness of our blogging community.

Thanks so much...I can already feel the love :)

what August 3rd means to me...

It is this girl's birthday on Sunday and I can't believe that she is turning 24. She gave me loads of trouble on the day that she arrived. My labour started with a bang and within moments I was prepped for surgery. The umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck and foot and with each contraction we would loose her heartbeat.

Now, I can proudly say that she is my heartbeat, my best friend and the smell that I long for the most. She came into the world as beautiful then as she is today and forever will be.

We will all gather on that day to celebrate her and every accomplishment she has made. Who is she...?

She is Angela...Momma's baby girl...

and the sunshine of my life.

what day is it?

I know some time has passed, but I haven't really paid any attention to it. I have had a few visitors and filled the last week with some laughter, love and hard work. We painted the last room in the house that had been left undone. It was my daughters room. ~ Gone are her smells because they are being over powered by the odor of fresh paint. Out came her little twin bed and in went the full sized Victorian bed and dresser. There is nothing here to prove that this was once 'her' room. It has made me very sad and I stood in the finished room, cried and said goodbye and then began to decorate. I am missing these two people who just happen to be together right now. Angela had a few days left for vacation and she is spending them in sunny San Diego. She loves her Auntie Denise and everyone knows that her house is yours and she always spoils her company. I'm expecting to soon see the pictures from their adventures, maybe you will too.

I am also enjoying the blooms of summer.
Their colors seem brighter this year.
It is either my imagination or the fact
that I recently got new glasses.

What matters is that as I come upon a new weekend in July, I am already feeling full and looking forward to any adventures that happen to surprise me and offer up any information for a post here in my journal.

high heels

yes I put you on every now and then
you make my feet appear so small and dainty
while on the inside I'm feeling ten feet tall
and I hear the clicking as I walk around
wondering where you would take me
or if I would even give you permission

and I stare in the big mirror
watching the transformation
and giggle at how just a pair of shoes
can make me feel so giddy
as long as I only look at you
and the two ankles that bring you to life

so for now we carry this secret
of the loveliness that you inspire
and the hope that there may be one special day
that you just might step outside
and leave behind these towering walls
that keep me from going to the ball

and the award goes to...

I received this award from the wonderful Red Shoes Rambling *thank you*thank you*thank you* and now must pass it on to 7 others....there are so many Brilliant minds out there...this will prove to be a daunting task.

Here are the rules:

1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.
2. Link to the person you received your award from.
3. Nominate at least 7 other blogs.
4. Put links of those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you have nominated.

Okay...here we go
1. One Man's View~ Jack
2. Tourette's Mom~ Lynn
3. Full-Soul-Ahead~ Michelle
4. Bead Fluff~ Mary
5. Roughly Speaking~ Jenny
6. As Though I Have Wings~ Silvia
7. Dots Life and Art~ Dot

Congrats winners :)
Many more could have joined you!

discoveries

"The only true voyage of discovery...would be not to visit strange lands but to possess other eyes." Marcel Proust

Darlene's paraphrase ~ What really matters is how you choose to see the world around you, rather than thinking you must actually be somewhere else, in order to have an experience.

No matter what your financial situation is...
If you're in the house of your dreams or not...
If your life has turned out as you expected it would...

circumstances don't have to negatively provoke how you feel about your life.

What are the condition of your eyes...
How do you choose to see your world...
What blessings are you counting...

this message was for me today :)

counting

counting on her
counting on me
facing each other
sisters are we

her steps are felt
so close to mine
even in distance
of space or time

grounded together
equal and free
facing each other
sisters are we

one step closer
you in my arms
head on my shoulder
blocking all harm

counting on you
counting on me
this place in time
so simply lovely

how does your garden grow?

Speaking of food....these little tomatoes don't agree with me, so unfortunately I can't partake, but the Gluten Free Diet is going well and I am having an unusually good summer. I have been doing this for approximately 11 months, so I think its full effect is finally in gear.

Yes, it is a difficult diet to be on, but I was desperate for better health and it has improved mine considerably. So, if any of you have been on the fence, let me help you jump to the other side because having more energy, less pain and fog free thinking has been a blessing and I feel like a whole new girl.

I will be...Gluten Free...for Life :)

who me?...eavesdropping?

Sitting side by side under the warm sun, the tired old couple sat down for a breather. At their feet lay the shards of many yesterdays that the ocean gladly placed before them.

"Oh Henry, look at all the interesting pieces of shell, all in just this one place."

"Mary, they're just crumpled up sea trash and soon they'll end up looking just like the rest of the sand and you won't even notice them then."He grumbled.

"But I'm noticing them now dear, each shape and color, the kind of shell it used to be, the interesting creature that once lived inside it and made it a home." She said with a far off smile.

"The next thing you'll tell me is that that dried up ole stinky sea weed there, is special too!" His words were laced with sarcasm.

"Henry, as a matter of fact, in Ireland the ladies wake up in the wee hours of the morning to pick the very best sea weed of that day and then boil it with secret spices and other veggies...the recipe has been passed down from generation to generation. And the recipe is different from little island to little island.Isn't that just quaint?" She asked.

Henry gave her a blank stare. Still smiling, Mary stood up and reached out her hand to her husband and heaved him up from the ground.

Mary then grunted, "Come on you old bag of sea weed" He then gave her a smirk.

"Henry dear, have I told you what the Eskimo's do with their bags of sea weed?"

With curious eyebrows he replied, "No."

"Well," Mary stated, "I think you'd find it a bit more your style." And off they went continuing on with their walk.

(This was a conversation I eavesdropped on at the beach and does anyone know what the Eskimo's do with their sea weed??? You want to make any guesses? :) hee hee

chitter chatter

We were barefoot, some of us showing off the beautiful anklets we had purchased that day and a toe ring or two, but we were chattering about the day, the beauty surrounding us and the warmth beneath our feet. Suddenly Angela squeezes her daddy's arm a little tighter and says,
"I just have so much love in my heart for my family right now. I really do!" She was excited to announce this and we all cuddled a little closer.

It truly was a "Moment" that was fostered by the fact that we were all in our favorite place, walking side by side and feeling the family vibes of love surrounding us and in that moment everything was perfect.

We love each other immensely, we are loyal to each other unto death and we feel the safe peace that is afforded to us when we open up our hearts, bare our souls and allow our vulnerabilities to be exposed. Then each one lands lovingly and safely into the six arms that we end up holding on our way back from the shore.

stuck in the ruts

The paths that we travel are often rugged and the terrain very difficult indeed. All too often we tell ourselves...
"I will begin my dreams when things level out a little more."
But, the problem with that thinking is, that the ground beneath our feet may never smooth over. So, we wait and in our waiting, we accomplish nothing and while we are accomplishing nothing the terrain becomes weather beaten and we get stuck in the ruts of it all.

That is what I saw when I took this picture. The poor struggling bird was waddling over these deep rivets in the sand and just when I began to feel sorry for him and liken my own plight to his... he easily spread his wings and took flight. Slowly my camera pulled away from my face and tears began to fill my eyes and I watched him strongly soar high above both myself and the rugged sand beneath our feet. The only one keeping me from launching forth was myself. I can't blame it on the path, or the ruts in the road because I have wings to carry me high above all of that. It doesn't matter what the weather is, or the vastness of the sea, wings were meant to carry us all to our desired destinations and fly us right into our wishes and dreams.

Taking a deep breath and wiping my eyes with a warm cotton sleeve, I decided right then that no step is too small when it's going in the right direction. I envisioned my fear as the ruts in my own path that had kept me from launching forward for way too long. It may be presumptuous of myself to think that I have gifts that need to be shared with others, but I have to acknowledge them and rid my shame of taking them for granted for as long as I already have.

And about those ruts...

just one simple wave from the force of the ocean smoothed over the bumps and left a pristine path in their place.

there's a change in the air...

So very excited to be getting some much needed organization

to go along with launching my jewelry.

I adore working with my hands and am eager to pace myself into a forward movement.

One step at a time

Each day a new accomplishment

days and days of fresh growth.

And meeting new friends along the way.

This Gypsy Girl will now be taking Darlene's

walks...but wearing the same shoes;)

(hip hip hooray!) ~ that's me cheering for myself